The Art of Finesse: #WashnGoWars WINNER!

Thank you all for participating! The winner chosen for this first contest is Whitney C., also known as @thedivawhit. Again, thanks to everyone who participated! Stay tuned for the next product giveaway don't be discouraged lol.

see ya!
xxoo missusmonroe

Damage: A Black Woman's History

Black History Month is never over. There is no such thing as a month for us, there is a such thing; however, as a few days for the remainder of you. As the month of February wrapped up though I began to weigh heavily different things that are "worth it" to me and I came across a slew of spoken word ~bro I love me some words spokennnn if ya'didn't know~ and a question remained in my head:

90's/In Living Color inspired outfit: Thrifted everything but eBay glasses, Missguided boots

why don't I protect my peace?

I know my peace exists. I also know I have recently come to rediscover it. I know that it is one of the most, if not the most, valuable jewels on this here Earth. I know that it is a coveted item like that new Gucci Gucci 20infinity y'all be slaving. I know that it is a direct door to my happy and a direct reflection of my mental health. I know that it can be shaken but not easily stirred. And I also know that it is a badass bitch who doesn't take no shit from any intruder tracking in mud. okay.

I also know that I have done an extremely poor job of protecting it.
I flaunt my peace because that is an uncontrollable thing, it is literally the light behind my smile and the cute ass twinkle in my biggie-smalls eyes. I am not careless with it, read carefully because this is important, but I am not exactly selfish with it either. Why am I not selfish, down-right stingy, with the most important thing in this here world and there outerworldliness. As black women we need to protect our shit. We run around chasing everybody and everything attempting to fix situations because in turn that is where we derive our value from. Our source of belonging and need is from what we bring to others, what fixin' can we bring to the table, and then we look internally and are surprised that we in actuality are not happy with ourselves because we look around and see we in actuality don't have much for ourselves, we don't have much to call our own ~as far as receivables go~. And certainly even less when we speak of trye tangibility. Many cannot seem to find that value within themselves when it disincludes anothers' woes..

Where's your peace?

xxoo missusmonroe

An Indisputable Compilation of Exactly What's Holding You Back

The other day I was sitting around, meandering in my thoughts and stumbled upon what I know you need to free yourself of. In the past I've had my fair share of purges and detoxes..recently I've damn near shed multiple skins and felt like I've lived many lives. I'm out and I'm free and I'm clearer than before and there are so many things that have been on my mind. Let's get right to it shall we?
this outfit, a design by me
In the sincerest but tighten-your-shit-bitch way possible, let go of:

1. commitment that's not committed to you

2. that unproductive routine

3. that complacency that's the root of that anxiety you've got there

4. people who love to project their insecurities on you [fucking people who project, period]

5. deterrents

6. that superficial need to belong

7. a heavy heart
   I discovered an earth-shattering dialogue in the most trusted on world wide web scholarly engines (Twitter) that I know you need to hear so here goes it. "People will pretend and play in your face for however long is necessary. Oppression thrives on superficiality. A lot of people are giving you the superficial because they don't know how to give you something authentic. If one cannot be authentic with self... see where I'm going with this? Don't take it personal. It's life. Don't even pity these people; don't judge. Keep your heart light. No resentment. No anger. No grudges. Forgive, forgive, forgive. Free yourself.

Everybody is going through or has gone through. Sometimes these messages are written to help the writer get to the other side as well; we could all be walking along with each other. It's no race. We all have a plethora of metrics on moving on. Stop with the comparisons already, this "they" you speak of could be just as lost as you but pen to tongue on what is known needs to be done allows room for healing of oneself. Make sense?

What do you want in life? As 'simple' as happiness or as complex as a 10 year plan. Chase it. Stop looking back. Everyone will be fine without you or they'll have to learn to be fine. And if your need is to be needed (that lil need to belong as we discussed), we need to stand on our own feet and realize that you all by yourself are enough.

Free yourself.

xxoo missusmonroe


to be a disappointment.
I think I've felt that before. However, I wish from time to multiple fucking time I could just dish out an ounce of it as it's been ricocheted and happily dashed to me, *cue* young girl skipping down the aisle sprinkling, instead of petals, wads of a treat named disappointment.

Maybe even just the opportunity.. given the opportunity to do so, not necessarily the actual act. I like to say that I make decisions for me, that I, relatively speaking, live for myself but up until this point in life that's not entirely true. So to then say I want to go out and purposefully dish what comes to me is a dick hard rock solid, no. I wouldn't. It's one of those things that feels good to yell or poignantly cock your head full of high-ponytailed braids and say, you know like when you're faking cussing your "man" out with that false attitude nestled in the curl of your lips and the roll in your eye...right before you take him right back: in reality, would you really? These days, especially recently I've experienced my fair share of disappointments. Gifting that to someone would be unnecessary. I've trusted, I've believed, I've discovered continuous lies and  have been fed what was to make me look another way. I'm not dealing with shit in any way or shape shifting form it comes to me.

Throughout my life I never actually cared about being a *dramatic noise* "disappointment". Hindsight, I think that's likely because I didn't really have much to worry about in that facet. All the disappointment roles in my family tree were taken. It was honestly just too easy to follow directions; in fact, it would take a whole lot more of my energy and brain capacity to do the exact opposite of what was asked of me. Because it was never much! 

go to school. okay, get on the bus. get good grades. okay, this shit is actually easy.
My siblings had been rebellious from their departure from the womb, their prerogative, and me I just minded my business. If my mother asked something of me that I didn't see as difficult, I just did not see why I needed to go out of my way and go against it. Not to ever say I didn't get in trouble or get cast  as the poster-girl for a deeply ingrained horrid attitude, because I did, but I guess you could say it was like a grey pot against charcoal. Which would you prefer? Lesser evils if you wish. This was a set up for a lot of pressure on myself.

I had a pressure to follow what my mother wanted for my life at some point, when I got old enough to evaluate my freedom situation which hadn't been a situation until it became a situation... Especially freedom in action, not just opinion. Seeing as though my mother had a full plate with the football team of us and if you have one child that actually listens from time-to-time, they are sort of a whiff of daises. It was like letting someone who believes in you more than life itself likely down. As dramatic as that sounded, this is something I did not yearn to do. Thus, I took heed to a lot of actions and pushed aside some of my wants or molded it to try and please the both of us, or honestly to make it look like it did to almost fool myself. But we know that one person you cannot fool...das you honey. In case you were confusion.
Mentally, it was a kill two birds with one stone type of situation whereas, if I'd foreseen that since my inception I could have just popped my head out and said "fuck all of this" Janis Ian style and dealt with whatever hardship that would surely ensue and end up OKAY. That I would have her support in the long run...I would have.

Because the gahdamn pitfalls of life she was attempting to protect me from were not in any way shape or form avoided. In fact I think they were expedited, no ground shipping over here, not even an e-packet. Life has a way of finding you, even if it has to take the back-door. Throw those disappointment thoughts right in the trash where they belong. I'm never saying wildout and get thrown into the streets with your belongings in a lion cloth attached to the end of a stick, respect the people who birthed you into this world as best to your ability but if you want to spread your wings, I recommend not looking back earlier rather than later. You will be okay, you will land of your own two feet, you sure will make mistakes but if not now they would have caught up to you later. This is literally your life.

Relationships can bounce back and can be built back. ~Optimistically~. Regret cannot. Because damn, at the end of the day you're the one living as you. Someone can control your entire life operation..then go back to living theirs. Someone can lead you on and make you believe they have the both of you in mind when really it's just them they're looking out for. This is the best example of why can't you? It's not a crime to be selfish during the only years you literally have complete liberty and even blessings to.

xxoo missusmonroe

HOW TO Dispose of These Niggas in 2018 (And Keep Them There)

captured by @iamt.t
We're about a month into the new year and you might have already slipped into old habits, .. or rather he did.. you catch the drift. It is, however, never too late to leave a dude in the past if he is no longer up to a par, standard, or he's simply just f'ing up. Y'all know me by now, it's highly encouraged, it's preached, praised..outright glorified. Yes, I am well aware it is 22 days into 2018, but it is never too late to get rid of a 2017 nigga! (And while we're at it, let's just be honest: many of y'all are still latching on to 2015 so let us not get wrapped up in dates but rather focus on the end goal) A past year, in the new year, a future's just never too late to remind a dude there's plenty of him wherever he came from, alright.

the face of a woman with the tea
Below lies your carefully crafted, no chaser guide from a professional snip snipper, never-ever-met..cher.. Get into it:

1. Self-love yourself rotten.
  • take that pole dancing class you swear is only for exercise. Stuff your mouth with as many dicks as you'd like, making men weak in the knees and fall in love only for you to leave them on read. If that actually makes you happy (discover your real happiness) and gives you a positivity to add to your life, well then why not? (okay STIs are a why not but of course after verifying that)

2. Stop with the mental pet-names.
  • stop with the googoo-gaga. Stop calling him what was in the past and begin to call him what's in the future: nothing. rid yourself of the endearment; it no longer exists, it's no longer genuine and if it's no longer genuine, you no longer have room for it in your life. period.

3. Tattoo "BLOCKED" on your forehead in Rockwell Condensed font.
  • block if your best friend, as is that little unfollow button. You need a purge, a cleanse, not a constant irritation. And remember, if it's not in Rockwell, it doesn't count.

4. In one ear and out the other *in my best Belcalis voice*
  • if he finds God thus granting him someway and somehow communication with you, see number 4, do not allow any of his words cascade into your spirit. Take it with a grain of salt and dust it off like a feather. Once his words begin to mean rat's ass to you, you're in a great space.

5. If you don't have nonchalant in you, cut the ties
  • know yourself. If you know you're possessive, aggressive, jealous, easily yourself a solid and stay away from triggers, ie him. Quit trying to convince yourself "it's just one text/response" .. after deleting then recreating yet another thread of his. You ain't even built for all this.

6. If you must respond to him, 
  • which you never do, be sure to explain just how much of his business you are (none.)

7. Invest in your hobbies.
  • every time you think of him, his nameor see his face, do something for you. Finish a project you only mentally started, find a hidden talent. something. Don't just try to keep yourself busy but keep yourself creative, keep yourself mentally stimulated, keep yourself motivated to do everything you might have put down or neglected for the attention of another

8. Conserve your energy.
  • be greedy. I mean, you deserve it right? (the answer is yes)

9. Stop listening to the mumble lies.
  • and this doesn't end with him

10. Stop settling.
  • you might not have to cut so many niggas off if you didn't frolic with the first dude  who paid you some mind. Regardless of what you're looking for, a FWB, a relationship, a dick, realize you're a one of a kind woman and this is still your energy you're putting out there. Protect it.

Thrifted white chinese collar shirt, Coley's stolen sweater, Nordstrom Rack skirt, American Apparel socks, Zara boots

11. Stop trying to forget the memories.

  • remember them. When they come to mind think through them, recall the details. then get over them

12. Who the fuck are you?!
  • remind yourself of that. And when you're going good, doing better, remind yourself again, there's no need to go back to a past. Cause you know good and well that's exactly when a nigga remembers that he "misses you around".
xxoo missusmonroe

Little Havana

Considering (and realizing) that my last blog post was regarding my trip in Cuba, I guess this post is only fitting! I recently returned from a 3 week trip in Asia, which I hope to discuss and post about soon. I'm still trying to get over jetlag and decompress from everything. I went to a friend's birthday brunch at a cute place called "Little Havana", where it was it's own stand alone building, brightly colored and petite. Here are some photos below!


First Founders Day VLOG. Chatty Chatty GRWM

HOLISLAY | Last minute Holiday looks

union market shit.

This wrap-up post is long overdue, but what else is new? I mean, other than the hundreds of new readers and dwellers; hello hello cousins, welcome, pop a squat.

First of all, let me say my dear foodies who have been waiting for their time to shine, our time is now! emporiyum. What you may ask, the hell is that. Well, it's a cute curated collection of natural, home-grown, or just plain good healthy food with a dash a meats, emphasis on the dash that shit was gone so quick..., a sprinkle of sweets, and a dribble of teas. All lined up covering two floors in the outdoorsy space of Union Market, discounts prepped, samples ready.

They,empori..ers, actually define this network as a "one-of-a-kind food marketplace featuring the tastiest treats from around the country. Discover delicious foods and purchase thoughtful gifts and top-quality products from a lineup of artisans you won’t find anywhere else". music, drank, the whole shebang.

We were all pure and virgins to this, my friends to family, my bigs and some of my LS, so we all ventured together into this not so blackish sorta unknown. Mind you we had a decent idea of how the event was going to go down but had never experienced it.

Well, first we were going to buy tickets to the 11 AM designation. The way it was arranged was there were a multitude of ticket options. But specific to our bank account's wants and needs, there was the "regular entry" which I believe had a skip line incentive for 11 AM on day 2 and then there was the "late entry" option which meant entering at 1:30. Groupon told us we needed that 11 AM ticket okay and we neglected to argue. We also neglected to buy the tickets.

Luckily the tickets didn't sell out but we definitely went for the..less demanding option of the 1:30 time entry.
Alright fast-forward to our grand entrance. Thankfully there was no line, we strolled right on in, our stomachs shamefully growling therefore our hopes inadvertently high. From there it was just a walking game. Or in our case a who-can-finagle-the-most-out-of-these-booths competition. Of course the more water the food entices from your mouth, the tighter the booth-owners are clutching onto the freebies so it really just turned into who can get drunk quicker off of their honey wine. Yes you heard me correctly. Wine made out of honey. Ladies and gentlemen we are capable of all things.

I stumbled upon Zest tea which I had coincidentally been researching not even a week before the event. Tired of suffering from shitty-booty, along with the rest of the 3 floors of my office, I was looking for a different caffeine option. Also knowing I hate tea, I still was hearing out the option lol. It's actually almost creepy how I walked up to their booth, not knowing their company name and even if I did I wouldn't have recognized it and literally saying yeah I hate tea, but I've been looking for this tea with more caffeine that coffee...oh shoot that's you guys! I tried some, hated some but actually tasted a few I wouldn't wretch at the smell. I was able to buy single sachets and I think I'll do a review on it because my first impression was almost too good. I planned on buying 5, they were a dollar each and I was super satisfied, then the booth guy who had been making some eyes that I routinely ignored, threw like 5 more my way after I paid. Now...I will not say no to such a thoughtful gesture.


Funny enough, this is where things began to get interesting. Chyna ended up getting into an oral brawl in one of those "uber vs. lyft" arguments..with a lyft rep, in leaving we stumbled ~said very loosely. more so were plopped right into~ a Jesus themed food RV filled with what I could swear on life were male strippers of the middle east, and finally we found ourselves in a hipster pub that only sold rum. Turn of events, I'll say.

We split ways after this and what turned into the typical carpool-drop-off scenario was suddenly hijacked into a search for Maryland. Which should not have been an enduring task for obvious reasons yet alas, lol we roamed for hours before finally settling onnnnn one of the first places we started on to begin with! Headaches. Classicly one of my best days.

This outfit, much like many things I've been putting together lately, was just thrown together but with a little more effort than I've been normally giving. I believe this is contributing to my bottomless pit of sadness because I really do enjoy sitting and thinking of ensembles, piecing things together is so so very therapeutic. Lately I haven't even really been in much of the mood. No good. This skirt was supposed to arrive earlier than it did so I basically recreated the 'fit I was going to wear with it, just with a different top and shoes seeing as though I actually outdid its combo already (when clothes arrive late but you still make it look sexy).

Don't mind my mood, I hate it when I imagine something is going to be a way, visually you all know how I get with my visuals, and it doesn't work out. I can only get mad at and to myself about it because I'm the only one! who knows the potential and what it could've otherwise looked like. Nobody else and not that anybody even cares as much in any case. I had envisioned the editing going in a whole other direction for this. But seeing as though I've been going through some thangs lately and more than definitely dragging my feet to even open my closet let alone thinking through an editing difficulty. Anyway, yes my adventures with emporiyum have temporarily paused with high hopes of crashing their food party again in the future ;)

xxoo missusmonroe

22 reasons

I think I've been avoiding this.

Fuck it, yes I have been running away. I blamed it on writer's block...and yes I obviously have a blockage but I also call bullshit. I blamed it on not having enough time, but I still don't have enough of that and I probably never will so what else is new. I've started this post many times before, once even before my last post, another mid summer, another probably early September and at least two more times before I am here today. And I'm still not sure if I'm going to end up saying anything at all, which has definitely been a major deterrent.

I have always wanted this blog to as open and honest as I am, even more so because that is just what's organic to me. And one thing I hate is a pretend-pretend blog or story that makes life and situations appear to be so dandy when they just honestly are not most of the time. However, as open and transparent as I am, I can also be very very private and it's an odd combination but somehow it makes up ya girl right here *fat Ye shrug*
I know it's because people take your openness and craft it into a weakness, then use said weakness as ammunition to bring you down to whatever low lying fruit they're dwelling in that I hesitate and have been hesitating. I'm not an idiot; I won't let my life's frictions, or triumphs for that matter, be made into a spiteful  twitter thread of groupme topic. I've been battling with this; my writing is similar to a diary to me, just far more creative, and I want to just express some shitty shit sometimes in the best way I know will resound in my spirit. It's crazy.. for some time I thought I just wasn't feeling. Like et all. But knowing the amount of feels I carry, that was as clear as day on the verge of denial.

"I think I'm not too sure how I can express everything" started me off the last time I attempted. "I don't even know where to start. In a second I literally feel the weight of the world and life literally crumbling around me, then in the next moment I've convinced myself everything is fine, that it's all okay. A really eerie calm overtakes me that I literally feel in my bones is crazy. On the verge of tears nearly daily and emotionless simultaneously." Two days later I was so removed from my woeful paragraphs that it didn't feel just to go through with a post. I want to say I was in a really different place, but I wasn't. I'm not there right at this moment, I've sort of climbed over a hill and am continuing to move forward but it's one of those hills where you see another slope not too far away. Looming over your shoulder is your not-so-distant past and taunting you is your ominous future. 

Even in just typing this I'm so over myself. One second I'm frantic, an emoting disarray then the next I'm calling myself dramatic and refusing to listen to my damn self.

I'm just in such a weird standstill in life right now, not too long ago things were diving downwards, headfirst. Godspeed. Now it's a wonderful 360 but even upwards and moving forward comes with drawbacks, unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Yet still. 

Today I turned 22; I had a pretty good weekend leading up to it, I have so many posts to catch up on honestly. My history with birthdays..  I’ve had pretty rocky birthdays since ever, crazy enough because I absolutely love birthdays. I feel like I say this every year and by the time it gets to my next earth strong niggas either forget or reflect how much I’m the only one who cares. Either or. It’s literally always a thing where I never feel like anyone besides me gives a shit, unless it's some full-blown escapade that me alone plans and takes the full weight of, which would be just fine if I didn’t try to make others feel as special as possible on their day. So it sucks. It sucks ass. This year..a little different in that regard but not by a milestone. The day started off horribly, as much as I tried to look at it in a positive light, but did end drunk so there’s in fact an upside. I ended up feeling some special and appreciation later but there was that really sensi part of the day where, as cliche and as much as I tried avoiding it, I felt no where at all. Which is crazy because I’ve literally accomplished so much and have made ways out of no way this year like no other. But when that dark cloud comes over your shoulder, it is so hard to avoid it.

The wilder part is just how much I was agreeing with my kicking myself in the ass.. I just want so much more and it’s shocking me because I’ve always had goals but I’ve also always been a relatively content person. I’m not super crazy competitive and I try to compare my accomplishments to my accomplishments, not yours or hers. I’m not sure what all those thoughts I had for hours means or what all those shitty emotions meant either, and why I had to feel them at that moment on that day. I did and it's a part of life, my reality, and everyday thoughts and as much as I feel like running in the opposite direction of them, I've done so many things right why must I feel this way yadda yadda, I have to face them headon.

I got this great new opportunity of growth that I'm excited about and it's challenging me to meet even more expectations of myself and I was in an onboarding orientation where all week, the seminars and informationals had been short of drowse inducing, no matter how interesting and addictive cups of lates with double espresso and shit inducing Belvita, it's just too *** early in the morning. This one particular session was focused on how to survive within the company: immediate intrigue. The VP was comparing so many lessons to obscure things I would've sworn he was a guest pastor at Alfred Street; one thing in particular he said while comparing life and survival to a deathly white-water rafting trip he took was that in the midst of chaos you would like to paddle in the opposite direction. This however will lead to the water grasping your control; instead, don't hesitate and steer yourself head-on into chaos and take control yourself. I'm paraphrasing but the idea has stuck with me ever since.

This isn't one of those posts with pictures or a happy conclusion. The intriguing part of a blog is you get to be with me along every ride (well those that I share, honestly) and you get to see that in real life, each day or lull doesn't end with a "but all is well now, I learned and I'm happy!" Sometimes it's just, "hey man, this is where I am right now", "not positive which direction life is going to move me next" or a "well least I'm alive" and that just has to be okay. The cool thing is a lot of us are at this same age, this same millennial generation, these similar life points/realizations and feelings so we can actually remotely relate. I'm just actually speaking up through the life is perfect transitioning adulting silence. I guess that's what the purpose of this was and I couldn't see it until it was done because its purpose wasn't for me.

xxoo missusmonroe

La Cubana

This was a completely, unplanned and spontaneous trip on my part. I knew that for this birthday, I DID want to do something but I wasn't sure what. I talked about doing a yoga experience with some friends and maybe having a girl's night out but I wasn't sure. I really wanted to go to the Grand Canyon with one of my friends but the tab was slowly adding up and we decided to look for other places. My friend jokingly mentioned Cuba and I said that if she was serious, I was as well. We booked tickets and never looked back. Cuba was an experience that I simply can't explain. Magical is really corny. Serendipitous sounds forced and contrived. I'll just use the word "right" for now. From the people that we met, to the places that we visited, even the food we ate. Havana, Cuba will always have a place in my heart. Below are just a few pictures that I took of this magical place.

Down in Jozi

I am finally getting to this South Africa post! I was based mostly in Johannesburg during my time ,so therefore all of my exploits were in that city. SA was unlike anything I had previously experienced.. In terms of Africa, I had only gotten the chance to explore the more, western countries, so everything in SA was a breath of fresh air. It was beautiful to see so many people of different ethnicities and backgrounds. SA is a place that I could definitely myself coming back to for the long-term.