Last Day of Summer
Ever since I was a child I looked forward to summer-time for two primary reasons, getting out of school and getting the fuck out of the United States. I've traveled near and far for as long as I can remember and I can truly say I never missed home. I got to college, I graduated, I moved and I can also say summer has never truly been the same as when I was younger. It's felt like a small break, intermediary periods, but never that unmoved excitement. It hasn't felt like that itch to be outside even though I wasn't allowed out with the other kids, it hasn't felt like that salty, face-tight sensation after coming back from the beach knowing for sure you're ten shades darker and your mother's gunna beat that ass *deeply rooted I'll tell ya*, it hasn't felt like days and days of "unproductivity" because you're actually far too busy living life to just sit still, it hasn't felt like new people and newer adventures, it hasn't felt like staying completely still and letting your embodiment bask in the rays, it just hasn't felt like dancing until your feet cracked, laughs of longevity, and sweat dripping from all of the above crevices, it hasn't felt like nights that turn into memories that you want to do-over just to feel it twice, it hasn't felt like smiles brighter than your favorite all-white, it hasn't felt like eternal days and ink nights molding into the folds of dawn... it hasn't felt like summer in a long fucking time. Until this summer.
Laughing until I could literally laugh no longer just gasping for air, lustful nights, heavy-eyed mornings, sand I still can't get rid of, broken pants zippers, late-night walks with nothing but my thoughts, "celebrity" parties busting out ratchet dances, outfits that never worked, outfits that did nothing but work, unanswered messages, 1,000 wine videos, genuine friendships, new cities, numerous times behind a lens.. I could literally go on and on.
There are no real complete sentences to fully describe this summer. It was life-changing and sincerely the best summer I've had in a very, very long time. Refreshing...a necessity. I can actually say I was so happy, so carefree. I remember in the past these hot months would drag and just remind me of what wasn't. For the first time in a while I felt rewarded. Rewarded for so much I've had to endure to be able to enjoy these moments. God never ceases to amaze me, my future never ceases to amaze me. I've tried time and time again to sit and write something fulfilling, similar to how I just used to talk a few years back, no real subject matter at hand just something of a free-write. I hadn't been able to edit videos because literally every new editor I would try out for fit did everything but that, fit. There's always a reason. Mine just led me here. With my thoughts and my memories that run deep. As usual. It's a comfort to know how much of "me" I will always remain, no matter how much people who do not in actuality know me claim I may be changing. This summer was an ode to reflection. The ultimate Black Women healing and rewarding herself.
Summer of 2019, you were the best thing to happen to me yet.
xxoo missusmonroe
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