'Is It By Force?' - Nigerian Proverb
The number one question I've gotten about this trip was, omggg "how was your experience!?" which I think is all too broad a question to be quite honest. There were so many elements of Tulum, Mexico, of the people and the developments, of the retreat and the group sessions, and then of just the experience in all and of the purpose it was supposed to serve within myself, mental space, and physical being. It'd do everything and everyone a disservice to.
There was a quote one of the women from the retreat said that I think resonated with us all. "As Black Women we have to work 10 times as hard in life. And then 10 times as hard with self-care." So sometimes the time calls to just drop all your shit and get away.
I've said this once and I'll say it again, freeing yourself is a process. Honestly consider the things in your life that came without work and how many of those things are still around. Even the strongest go through healing, it's such a false narrative and perception that healing is for weak people. "Oh she's going through something again, she has to heal past it." Healing is not just for the sick, it is not for the weak or weak-hearted. Literally, do you understand how strong you have to be both mentally and physically to overcome both mental and physical battles? It takes so much reflection and so much of going to places within you do not want to tread.
Finding space in my mind to fully heal is something I've been at a wits end about that I did not even realize until this very moment. I want to reflect through so many things but it's almost like sometimes my mind goes blank and I'm at a loss of where to even begin. I'm healing from things that haven't even happened yet. I'm on the move. My mind is loud but silent at the same time and I can get tired of the many phases of this process. It doesn't come easy and it doesn't end in something as simple as six months or a year. It's like the fall to the concrete from your bike. It's the fresh, wide open wound. It's the burn of the alcohol to exposed skin. It's the cringe of water grazing a burn. It's reliving pain while reliving rebirth.
I'm so grateful for these words. Words similar to these attacked me during our free-writing journaling sessions every day in Tulum. Before doing anything in the day, we broke bread and we wrote whatever came to mind, no rules, 15 minutes, whatever's on your heart and in your mind.
We had sessions talking about what it was being a black woman in the workplace. We mapped our lives, from inception to where we wanted to be and listed significant events in our lives that would somehow connect to our "it". We laughed, explored town and danced with locals, we cried, climbed through ruins and swam in underwater caves. We shaku'd, we sang Jordin Sparks, we took mad photos, we were magical. We were black as fuck. And we were unforgiving and unforgettable.
I've said this once and I'll say it again, freeing yourself is a process. Honestly consider the things in your life that came without work and how many of those things are still around. Even the strongest go through healing, it's such a false narrative and perception that healing is for weak people. "Oh she's going through something again, she has to heal past it." Healing is not just for the sick, it is not for the weak or weak-hearted. Literally, do you understand how strong you have to be both mentally and physically to overcome both mental and physical battles? It takes so much reflection and so much of going to places within you do not want to tread.
Finding space in my mind to fully heal is something I've been at a wits end about that I did not even realize until this very moment. I want to reflect through so many things but it's almost like sometimes my mind goes blank and I'm at a loss of where to even begin. I'm healing from things that haven't even happened yet. I'm on the move. My mind is loud but silent at the same time and I can get tired of the many phases of this process. It doesn't come easy and it doesn't end in something as simple as six months or a year. It's like the fall to the concrete from your bike. It's the fresh, wide open wound. It's the burn of the alcohol to exposed skin. It's the cringe of water grazing a burn. It's reliving pain while reliving rebirth.
I'm so grateful for these words. Words similar to these attacked me during our free-writing journaling sessions every day in Tulum. Before doing anything in the day, we broke bread and we wrote whatever came to mind, no rules, 15 minutes, whatever's on your heart and in your mind.
We had sessions talking about what it was being a black woman in the workplace. We mapped our lives, from inception to where we wanted to be and listed significant events in our lives that would somehow connect to our "it". We laughed, explored town and danced with locals, we cried, climbed through ruins and swam in underwater caves. We shaku'd, we sang Jordin Sparks, we took mad photos, we were magical. We were black as fuck. And we were unforgiving and unforgettable.
Reflecting, there's so much I want to do as a black woman and for the black woman. Participating in gatherings of the mind such as She Gets Away, a retreat for millennial Black Women created by us, is just one of the ways I want to be impactful. It's not always literally creating the space yourself, sometimes it's bring the seat to the table, sometimes it's supporting your sister in her efforts to conjur, sometimes it's merely offering an opinion on how to foster a better experience from an audience point of view. There are so many ways, not everybody has to drive the boat. Abeg. Is it by force?
In closing I'll leave you with a phrase I conjured up that I seem to be saying a lot as of late.
Find yourself a therapist, then come find me.
xxoo missusmonroe
0 comments:
Post a Comment