Closing A Chapter
In healing you have to suck up your pride and confront your situations. Confront your demons. Because at the end of the day and the first of the month, it’s for you.
For you.
You’re not pushing your pride aside FOR somebody else or to submit to someone.. you’re doing it for the sacrifice of you and the betterment of no one other than your beautiful ass self.
For you.
You’re not pushing your pride aside FOR somebody else or to submit to someone.. you’re doing it for the sacrifice of you and the betterment of no one other than your beautiful ass self.
It's crazy how I wrote this up early last week then I went to an amazingly curated event ~shoutout to Sister Social II~ where guess what the main topic was.
It shouldn't need to be said, but here I will say it anyway: get to a point where you realize you are actually doing it for yourself and not just telling yourself that... Get to a point where you are healing for you. For my mental health? I need to close some fucking doors and put a lock on some trailing thoughts. I need to actually put things behind me in a manner where they can’t reappear. I need to RID myself. And the only ways I truly do that are feeling my way through it like I’ve described so many times, then literally closing it. I can’t close it if I keep thinking what if and of a possibly make believe future, an “other side”. No it needs to be sealed.
It shouldn't need to be said, but here I will say it anyway: get to a point where you realize you are actually doing it for yourself and not just telling yourself that... Get to a point where you are healing for you. For my mental health? I need to close some fucking doors and put a lock on some trailing thoughts. I need to actually put things behind me in a manner where they can’t reappear. I need to RID myself. And the only ways I truly do that are feeling my way through it like I’ve described so many times, then literally closing it. I can’t close it if I keep thinking what if and of a possibly make believe future, an “other side”. No it needs to be sealed.
Freeing yourself is a process. Honestly consider the things in your life that came without work and how many of those things are still around. Freeing myself from school took certain necessary steps. Freeing myself from a location cripple took even more steps. And freeing myself of the last of my mental toxins will take further steps, steps I don’t even agree with half the time, or at least my pride doesn’t (as small as my pride is.. it still exists). My stubbornness tells me otherwise. My attitude definitely screeches otherwise. But in order to be the best of me for my new journey I need to do what I need, not what I want (don't confuse the two). Not do what the person I have someway, somehow, I suppose, portrayed myself to be would do, and for who? Being whomever that "I'll cut a bitch real quick, eowww" for whom? Those you claim you don’t care about right? Right. There's a time and place for all things.My sisters who see me as a strong being who stands their ground? I can and will stand my ground while backtracking and fixing my wrongs or taking the necessary movements to create a better me for tomorrow. One day I’ll be 28 and a grown ass woman with many qualms and burnt bridges because of stubbornness. I don’t actually want that, not for any reason but that I don’t want to walk in this life that way. You can hate me because of me but I want to be at peace with myself and the choices I've chosen in this life.
Even the strongest go through healing, it's such a false narrative and perception that healing is for weak people. "Oh she's going through something again, she has to heal past it." Healing is not just for the sick, it is not for the weak or weak-hearted. Literally, do you understand how strong you have to be both mentally and physically to overcome both mental and physical battles? It takes so much reflection and so much of going into places within that you do not want to tread.
I'm so grateful for these words. These words that just attacked me one early afternoon that I first didn't know where they were going but I knew it'd end in knowledge someway. Turns out these were the same words I was able to use at the Social to hopefully get some other strong women comfortable in healing and their forgiveness process, whatever it may be. The magic in these photos happened at the let-out, in the most organic, powerful way as ever, our melanin of course attracting attention and our blk gal magic and carefree laughs captivating for the gentrified streets of Brooklyn for memories to come.
xxoo missusmonroe
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