The best of Fall 2015

12:53 AM missusmonroe 3 Comments

Here I go again, just randomly "showin' up" as I please, one with the wind is what y'all must really think of me, I know. And I know that I can't really just go on apologizing, yet again cause that's the shit I literally always end up doing. All, I know what y'all are thinking, it's been forever! I'm so sorry, excuse, excuse, excuse. Well, lo and behold, this time is not the same! (kinda)

I almost began by saying the usual, "this semester was the hardest ladidadi blah blah" all so redundant, why do I feel like I begin the story-telling like that all the time? I guess it doesn't reaaally matter too much because of the accuracy but I've got to vary a little bit, y'know? *sigh* In any case, all those previous hard semesters can be taken out of the contending pool cause the semester I just drug myself out of shames the past couple of years, for sure.

The major difference between this year and all the others is just how much effort I put into cancelling many things out of my life ~for the most part, temporarily. I made an effort not to go to any parties, not that I was choosing, I completely said no. Limited my social gatherings, involvement.. I was totally not out here! The worst feeling is not reaching your goals when you feel like you sacrificed so much and compromised yourself. Nearing the end of the semester I just concluded I really could've been out here, just not caring at all, and have been in many of the same situations. It was discouraging and quite disheartening. I kind of felt at a stand-still with God. Not because everything was going wrong, I'm not that type of spiritual person. Y'know the type, only pray when things are going left and get mad if you don't just magically receive great things. My only request was to see what God wanted me to see, to just know why things felt all out of sorts. I don't think I have a direct answer yet but.. I'm feeling closer than before.

This semester was great in many ways, don't get me wrong. I learned a great deal and even though I've always felt quite mature, I think I also grew up a bit as well. I went to festivals, a few art shows here and there, met and connected with a rare, special few, furthered my art forms and creative depths... oh I even celebrated my 20th. It wasn't all tears. I certainly realized this blog is not something I need to sacrifice, in fact writing really heals and comforts me. I've written my whole life but I didn't think it would be a big deal pushing myself away, I never even considered it me not writing but of course, that's exactly what it was. And it felt quite toxic. Bottled up and desperate.

Well, I'm not doing that again ~lol~ this is a real outlet. In actuality there are many things I'm not doing again. Going into the new year, I've bought a fresh journal and I'm really going to reflect and set things up for myself to make the best out of this upcoming year. I passionately feel like it is my year... While I'm doing that, enjoy some of the best of this semester.

xxoo missusmonroe