Soul of a Lion

captured by @iamt.t

We're about a month into the new year and you might have already slipped into old habits, .. or rather he did.. you catch the drift. It is, however, never too late to leave a dude in the past if he is no longer up to a par, standard, or he's simply just f'ing up. Y'all know me by now, it's highly encouraged, it's preached, praised..outright glorified. Yes, I am well aware it is 22 days into 2018, but it is never too late to get rid of a 2017 nigga! (And while we're at it, let's just be honest: many of y'all are still latching on to 2015 so let us not get wrapped up in dates but rather focus on the end goal) A past year, in the new year, a future year...it's just never too late to remind a dude there's plenty of him wherever he came from, alright.

the face of a woman with the tea

Below lies your carefully crafted, no chaser guide from a professional snip snipper, never-ever-met..cher.. Get into it:

1. Self-love yourself rotten.

take that pole dancing class you swear is only for exercise. Stuff your mouth with as many dicks as you'd like, making men weak in the knees and fall in love only for you to leave them on read. If that actually makes you happy (discover your real happiness) and gives you a positivity to add to your life, well then why not? (okay STIs are a why not but of course after verifying that)

2. Stop with the mental pet-names.

stop with the googoo-gaga. Stop calling him what was in the past and begin to call him what's in the future: nothing. rid yourself of the endearment; it no longer exists, it's no longer genuine and if it's no longer genuine, you no longer have room for it in your life. period.

3. Tattoo "BLOCKED" on your forehead in Rockwell Condensed font.

block is your best friend, as is that little unfollow button. You need a purge, a cleanse, not a constant irritation. And remember, if it's not in Rockwell, it doesn't count.

4. In one ear and out the other *in my best Belcalis voice*

if he finds God thus granting him someway and somehow communication with you, see number 3, do not allow any of his words cascade into your spirit. Take it with a grain of salt and dust it off like a feather. Once his words begin to mean rat's ass to you, you're in a great space.

5. If you don't have nonchalant in you, cut the ties

know yourself. If you know you're possessive, aggressive, jealous, easily agitated...do yourself a solid and stay away from triggers, ie him. Quit trying to convince yourself "it's just one text/response" .. after deleting then recreating yet another thread of his. You ain't even built for all this.

6. If you must respond to him,

which you never do, be sure to explain just how much of his business you are (none.)

7. Invest in your hobbies.

every time you think of him, his name, or see his face, do something for you. Finish a project you only mentally started, find a hidden talent. something. Don't just try to keep yourself busy but keep yourself creative, keep yourself mentally stimulated, keep yourself motivated to do everything you might have put down or neglected for the attention of another

8. Conserve your energy.

be greedy. I mean, you deserve it right? (the answer is yes)

9. Stop listening to the mumble lies.

and this doesn't end with him

10. Stop settling.

you might not have to cut so many niggas off if you didn't frolic with the first dude who paid you some mind. Regardless of what you're looking for, a FWB, a relationship, a dick, realize you're a one of a kind woman and this is still your energy you're putting out there. Protect it.

Thrifted white chinese collar shirt, Coley's stolen sweater, Nordstrom Rack skirt, American Apparel socks, Zara boots

11. Stop trying to forget the memories.

remember them. When they come to mind think through them, recall the details. then get over them

12. Who the fuck are you?!

remind yourself of that. And when you're going good, doing better, remind yourself again, there's no need to go back to a past. Cause you know good and well that's exactly when a nigga remembers that he "misses you around".

xxoo missusmonroe

Considering (and realizing) that my last blog post was regarding my trip in Cuba, I guess this post is only fitting! I recently returned from a 3 week trip in Asia, which I hope to discuss and post about soon. I'm still trying to get over jetlag and decompress from everything. I went to a friend's birthday brunch at a cute place called "Little Havana", where it was it's own stand alone building, brightly colored and petite. Here are some photos below!

Bisous,
Sade

This wrap-up post is long overdue, but what else is new? I mean, other than the hundreds of new readers and dwellers; hello hello cousins, welcome, pop a squat.

First of all, let me say my dear foodies who have been waiting for their time to shine, our time is now! emporiyum. What you may ask, the hell is that. Well, it's a cute curated collection of natural, home-grown, or just plain good healthy food with a dash a meats, emphasis on the dash that shit was gone so quick..., a sprinkle of sweets, and a dribble of teas. All lined up covering two floors in the outdoorsy space of Union Market, discounts prepped, samples ready.

They,empori..ers, actually define this network as a "one-of-a-kind food marketplace featuring the tastiest treats from around the country. Discover delicious foods and purchase thoughtful gifts and top-quality products from a lineup of artisans you won’t find anywhere else". music, drank, the whole shebang.

We were all pure and virgins to this, my friends to family, my bigs and some of my LS, so we all ventured together into this not so blackish sorta unknown. Mind you we had a decent idea of how the event was going to go down but had never experienced it.

Well, first we were going to buy tickets to the 11 AM designation. The way it was arranged was there were a multitude of ticket options. But specific to our bank account's wants and needs, there was the "regular entry" which I believe had a skip line incentive for 11 AM on day 2 and then there was the "late entry" option which meant entering at 1:30. Groupon told us we needed that 11 AM ticket okay and we neglected to argue. We also neglected to buy the tickets.

Luckily the tickets didn't sell out but we definitely went for the..less demanding option of the 1:30 time entry.
Alright fast-forward to our grand entrance. Thankfully there was no line, we strolled right on in, our stomachs shamefully growling therefore our hopes inadvertently high. From there it was just a walking game. Or in our case a who-can-finagle-the-most-out-of-these-booths competition. Of course the more water the food entices from your mouth, the tighter the booth-owners are clutching onto the freebies so it really just turned into who can get drunk quicker off of their honey wine. Yes you heard me...read me correctly. Wine made out of honey. Ladies and gentlemen we are capable of all things.

I stumbled upon Zest tea which I had coincidentally been researching not even a week before the event. Tired of suffering from shitty-booty, along with the rest of the 3 floors of my office, I was looking for a different caffeine option. Also knowing I hate tea, I still was hearing out the option lol. It's actually almost creepy how I walked up to their booth, not knowing their company name and even if I did I wouldn't have recognized it and literally saying yeah I hate tea, but I've been looking for this tea with more caffeine that coffee...oh shoot that's you guys! I tried some, hated some but actually tasted a few I wouldn't wretch at the smell. I was able to buy single sachets and I think I'll do a review on it because my first impression was almost too good. I planned on buying 5, they were a dollar each and I was super satisfied, then the booth guy who had been making some eyes that I routinely ignored, threw like 5 more my way after I paid. Now...I will not say no to such a thoughtful gesture. fin.a.gle.

Funny enough, this is where things began to get interesting. Chyna ended up getting into an oral brawl in one of those "uber vs. lyft" arguments..with a lyft rep, in leaving we stumbled ~said very loosely. more so were plopped right into~ a Jesus themed food RV filled with what I could swear on life were male strippers of the middle east, and finally we found ourselves in a hipster pub that only sold rum. Turn of events, I'll say.

We split ways after this and what turned into the typical carpool-drop-off scenario was suddenly hijacked into a search for seafood...in Maryland. Which should not have been an enduring task for obvious reasons yet alas, lol we roamed for hours before finally settling onnnnn one of the first places we started on to begin with! Headaches. Classicly one of my best days.

This outfit, much like many things I've been putting together lately, was just thrown together but with a little more effort than I've been normally giving. I believe this is contributing to my bottomless pit of sadness because I really do enjoy sitting and thinking of ensembles, piecing things together is so so very therapeutic. Lately I haven't even really been in much of the mood. No good. This skirt was supposed to arrive earlier than it did so I basically recreated the 'fit I was going to wear with it, just with a different top and shoes seeing as though I actually outdid its combo already (when clothes arrive late but you still make it look sexy).

Don't mind my mood, I hate it when I imagine something is going to be a way, visually you all know how I get with my visuals, and it doesn't work out. I can only get mad at and to myself about it because I'm the only one! who knows the potential and what it could've otherwise looked like. Nobody else and not that anybody even cares as much in any case. I had envisioned the editing going in a whole other direction for this. But seeing as though I've been going through some thangs lately and more than definitely dragging my feet to even open my closet let alone thinking through an editing difficulty. Anyway, yes my adventures with emporiyum have temporarily paused with high hopes of crashing their food party again in the future ;)

xxoo missusmonroe

I think I've been avoiding this.

Fuck it, yes I have been running away. I blamed it on writer's block...and yes I obviously have a blockage but I also call bullshit. I blamed it on not having enough time, but I still don't have enough of that and I probably never will so what else is new. I've started this post many times before, once even before my last post, another mid summer, another probably early September and at least two more times before I am here today. And I'm still not sure if I'm going to end up saying anything at all, which has definitely been a major deterrent.

I have always wanted this blog to as open and honest as I am, even more so because that is just what's organic to me. And one thing I hate is a pretend-pretend blog or story that makes life and situations appear to be so dandy when they just honestly are not most of the time. However, as open and transparent as I am, I can also be very very private and it's an odd combination but somehow it makes up ya girl right here *fat Ye shrug*

I know it's because people take your openness and craft it into a weakness, then use said weakness as ammunition to bring you down to whatever low lying fruit they're dwelling in that I hesitate and have been hesitating. I'm not an idiot; I won't let my life's frictions, or triumphs for that matter, be made into a spiteful twitter thread or groupme topic. I've been battling with this; my writing is similar to a diary to me, just far more creative, and I want to just express some shitty shit sometimes in the best way I know will resound in my spirit. It's crazy.. for some time I thought I just wasn't feeling. Like et all. But knowing the amount of feels I carry, that was as clear as day on the verge of denial.

"I think I'm not too sure how I can express everything" started me off the last time I attempted. "I don't even know where to start. In a second I literally feel the weight of the world and life literally crumbling around me, then in the next moment I've convinced myself everything is fine, that it's all okay. A really eerie calm overtakes me that I literally feel in my bones is crazy. On the verge of tears nearly daily and emotionless simultaneously." Two days later I was so removed from my woeful paragraphs that it didn't feel just to go through with a post. I want to say I was in a really different place, but I wasn't. I'm not there right at this moment, I've sort of climbed over a hill and am continuing to move forward but it's one of those hills where you see another slope not too far away. Looming over your shoulder is your not-so-distant past and taunting you is your ominous future.

Even in just typing this I'm so over myself. One second I'm frantic, an emoting disarray then the next I'm calling myself dramatic and refusing to listen to my damn self.

I'm just in such a weird standstill in life right now, not too long ago things were diving downwards, headfirst. Godspeed. Now it's a wonderful 360 but even upwards and moving forward comes with drawbacks, unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Yet still.

Today I turned 22; I had a pretty good weekend leading up to it, I have so many posts to catch up on honestly. My history with birthdays.. I’ve had pretty rocky birthdays since ever, crazy enough because I absolutely love birthdays. I feel like I say this every year and by the time it gets to my next earth strong niggas either forget or reflect how much I’m the only one who cares. Either or. It’s literally always a thing where I never feel like anyone besides me gives a shit, unless it's some full-blown escapade that me alone plans and takes the full weight of, which would be just fine if I didn’t try to make others feel as special as possible on their day. So it sucks. It sucks ass. This year..a little different in that regard but not by a milestone. The day started off horribly, as much as I tried to look at it in a positive light, but did end drunk so there’s in fact an upside. I ended up feeling some special and appreciation later but there was that really sensi part of the day where, as cliche and as much as I tried avoiding it, I felt no where at all. Which is crazy because I’ve literally accomplished so much and have made ways out of no way this year like no other. But when that dark cloud comes over your shoulder, it is so hard to avoid it.

The wilder part is just how much I was agreeing with my kicking myself in the ass.. I just want so much more and it’s shocking me because I’ve always had goals but I’ve also always been a relatively content person. I’m not super crazy competitive and I try to compare my accomplishments to my accomplishments, not yours or hers. I’m not sure what all those thoughts I had for hours means or what all those shitty emotions meant either, and why I had to feel them at that moment on that day. I did and it's a part of life, my reality, and everyday thoughts and as much as I feel like running in the opposite direction of them, I've done so many things right why must I feel this way yadda yadda, I have to face them headon.

I got this great new opportunity of growth that I'm excited about and it's challenging me to meet even more expectations of myself and I was in an onboarding orientation where all week, the seminars and informationals had been short of drowse inducing, no matter how interesting and addictive cups of lates with double espresso and shit inducing Belvita, it's just too *** early in the morning. This one particular session was focused on how to survive within the company: immediate intrigue. The VP was comparing so many lessons to obscure things I would've sworn he was a guest pastor at Alfred Street; one thing in particular he said while comparing life and survival to a deathly white-water rafting trip he took was that in the midst of chaos you would like to paddle in the opposite direction. This however will lead to the water grasping your control; instead, don't hesitate and steer yourself head-on into chaos and take control yourself. I'm paraphrasing but the idea has stuck with me ever since.

This isn't one of those posts with pictures or a happy conclusion. The intriguing part of a blog is you get to be with me along every ride (well those that I share, honestly) and you get to see that in real life, each day or lull doesn't end with a "but all is well now, I learned and I'm happy!" Sometimes it's just, "hey man, this is where I am right now", "not positive which direction life is going to move me next" or a "well shit..at least I'm alive" and that just has to be okay. The cool thing is a lot of us are at this same age, this same millennial generation, these similar life points/realizations and feelings so we can actually remotely relate. I'm just actually speaking up through the life is perfect transitioning adulting silence. I guess that's what the purpose of this was and I couldn't see it until it was done because its purpose wasn't for me.

xxoo missusmonroe

This was a completely, unplanned and spontaneous trip on my part. I knew that for this birthday, I DID want to do something but I wasn't sure what. I talked about doing a yoga experience with some friends and maybe having a girl's night out but I wasn't sure. I really wanted to go to the Grand Canyon with one of my friends but the tab was slowly adding up and we decided to look for other places. My friend jokingly mentioned Cuba and I said that if she was serious, I was as well. We booked tickets and never looked back. Cuba was an experience that I simply can't explain. Magical is really corny. Serendipitous sounds forced and contrived. I'll just use the word "right" for now. From the people that we met, to the places that we visited, even the food we ate. Havana, Cuba will always have a place in my heart. Below are just a few pictures that I took of this magical place.

I am finally getting to this South Africa post! I was based mostly in Johannesburg during my time ,so therefore all of my exploits were in that city. SA was unlike anything I had previously experienced.. In terms of Africa, I had only gotten the chance to explore the more, western countries, so everything in SA was a breath of fresh air. It was beautiful to see so many people of different ethnicities and backgrounds. SA is a place that I could definitely myself coming back to for the long-term.

If I actually created a graduation cap, lol, this would have been apart of the quote. "And if it was meant to be, then so it shall be. Pyramids don't get built in a day."

There's a lot to explain about these last few months that I simply can't explain all at once. And a lot I can't explain at all. But it truly has been a whirlwind, a mess, a joy, a pain, the struggle upon all struggles.. The last time I was here I was feeling anxious about my post graduation steps; as you can see, well I've finally reached "here" but I can't help but feel no where at all really. And that I'm not here. I'm not sure where I am, I know it's on a way but because I don't know which way in the grand scheme of things, it isn't much of a place to be.

For a person who loves being spontaneous and adventurous, I sure hate not having a solid plan when I feel I need to have one. I like things to be up in the air but am anxious about my inability to control what I don't want to be a surprise.

In reflection, a great summary of these past 4 years.. is that I SURE TAKE MAJOR Ls. Don't get me wrong, I've had magnanimous achievements and learned so much about what actually pushes me and how far I am willing to go and subsequently can go.. but an even greater lesson was how many damn Ls it takes to get there. And I took some MAJOR, continuous losses. I still am to be quite frank. They were hard to swallow and even harder to push aside in order to move past. I appreciate transparency because these past years have not been a walk in the park and should never be viewed as such. School is not for everybody, sheesh most aspects of life as well, but I digress. But I'm also (kind of) grateful for all of my experiences and tears and dramatics thus far, because if it weren't for them, I wouldn't be as appreciative as I can say I am now. I wouldn't be as driven and determined as I am now. I wouldn't be as present.

But now here I am. I've literally been in school for 18 years; that is such a damn long time. That's a whole human's lifespan. That's a jail sentence. That's the time it takes writers to master a novel... that's a lot of time to even possibly feel wasted. That's a lot of time to feel just disappeared, a lot of time to not be able to recount or trace. I'm having a hard time getting all the correct words in their designated order in this one because that's exactly where I am. I know the end, I have moves, I want a plan but I honestly do not think that's feasible so I'm stuck. Stuck without reassurance and having to solely rely on trusting the dark; faith. It's funny, not really, how you can put faith in every other thing because you're against a wall and literally must but not so much your own original thoughts simply because they've been backseated for so long and you actually gave yourself that option otherwise. Yes, you. Them. Me. Us.

no longer.

I realize this could just be an opportunity for change. This would be the doorway to big change, it could be a life-defining era, the calm before the storm of a 360, the great hoorah at the end of the romcom movie.

So even though it doesn't completely feel like it, here's the close to a long-drawn chapter. Thanks for sticking with me thus far, brace yourself for the nonsense that's sure to ensue.

xxoo missusmonroe

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This was a pretty exceptional day. For no reason in particular besides from these exceptional shots.

Well, okay I'd have to be lying if I said other great things didn't happen, they were just exuded in these pictorials. It was one of those random, fleeting, warm-ish days here in the DMV and I took great advantage of it, yes I did. See, I'd been plotting on wearing this outfit for a little bit now, since the beginning on Fall when I'd received this dress from Zara. Since my early high school years I just cannot stay away from pairing sweaters/long tops with the accordion of long skirts or the lace of a maxi dress. The two go hand-in-hand in my eyes, automatically. I had difficulty busting it out because around the time I got it, it was beginning to be too chilly to show it off, there were multiple layers encompassing it but honestly, not enough to keep someone warm. Especially with this v-neck, okay?

For me, after getting these shoes at a Beacon's I already knew they would really accent this outfit. The mere essence of it just correlated in my eyes. I didn't really have a warm enough day and I knew I could not really save it for Spring because, it wasn't a rainy day type of thing, this called for sunny, clear skies, slight wind; partly cloudy maybe. But that was really pushing it. Then I was given this mediocre in temperature but lit, the sun was just shining, day and it was pretty obvious it would just have to do.

I hesitated at first because of my fro. I only did this because without the jacket, which is how I'd initially planned on wearing it, it looked a little too ho-bo vibes, not what I was looking for today. (plus for some reason the socks were just off at a lot of angles) It also would make me look like a lollipop in my mind, as I imagined the straight silhouette of the sweater and dress combo and the upward reach of my hair... I wasn't sure if I wanted that. In actuality, I was sure I did not want that. Fro-styling can be so weird sometimes cause I almost feel like you have to look "extra" or overcompensate in order to not look that drab unkempt, and y'all know there's a cool unkempt and that homeless-aspiring-for-yeezy-season unkempt. It's either your hair has to look big and styled somehow to wear "normal clothes" (it has to look purposeful is the term really) or you overcompensate your fit, cue extra, cause of your fro. Which really stems from that "you about to go get your hair done?" history that black women have when they're just wearing their roots, "her hair ain't never done", similarly.

What does having your hair 'done' look like?

xxoo missusmonroe